honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
