ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize