If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
