i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
