just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
