i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
