Need sex. Gaining weight.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
