You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
