I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think your dad took our porno
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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