dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
