The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
