how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
