Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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