this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
