i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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