If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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