Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
