So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize