i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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