He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
