At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
