Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
we're making bets on your personal life
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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