I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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