take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
