the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
