my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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