He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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