She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
