Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
