You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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