my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
