I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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