she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
