is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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