just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
