You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
