I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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