I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
