he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize