Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
my poor anus
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
