dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
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