I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
