That's intense
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
