My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
A bitchslap is in order.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize