You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
