I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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