Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
