awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
