you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize