I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
