You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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