If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
