can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
