The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
