He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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