Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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