Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
