I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
pop tarts are not kleenex
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
