I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
