Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
