I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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