May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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